Introduction

Welcome to my blog.

I really don't know what I am doing with this whole blog thing. Just thought it would be a good idea to get the ideas and problems from my head down and potentially help someone who needs it. Well that's the idea anyway. Let me introduce myself, my name is Caitlin and I am a 19 year old with some issues and wanting to find some form of outlet.

I was just like a normal teenage girl until I was 13. I was diagnosed with Endometriosis which completely shook my boat more than I ever could imagine. My life became a rocky adventure since that point. My views on life changed, my views on myself changed and also my views on hospitals changed. I was in this false sense of security from the hospital that I was okay...that was a lie. My health continued to decline as the years went on, mentally and physically.

No one expects something like Endometriosis to have a massive toll on your mental health, but it does. I started to hate myself, I started to blame myself for this disease, that is not my fault and I have no control over what happens inside of my abdomen. I started going crazy from the amount of times I was told that it is all inside my head, which it isn't! Far from! I started to become detached from the true me, the happy little girl I used to be. The girl everyone saw from the outside. I changed.

My life had a new turn when I was aged 18, only a short year ago, I attended the Ariana Grande Dangerous Woman Tour at Manchester Arena on the 22nd May 2017. As many know, there was a terrorist attack after the show finished. I was there, I experienced the trauma, I live that pain daily. I thought I was okay...big mistake. I struggled more than I wanted to let onto. I spent months saying I was "okay" when in fact, I was far from. My mental health declined.

I moved to Manchester September 2017 for university and this is when I realised I needed some serious help with what was going through my head. I went through the hospital and ended up under the Mental Health hospital. I am currently still under their care. The things I see, the things I relive and the things I fear still happen every day. I was diagnosed with Post Trauma Stress Disorder (which I sorta knew I had beforehand anyway due to the symptoms) but this was a massive shock to the system to be put under this label. It made me realise, I am not okay.

I won't go into major details about my experiences with PTSD and after effects of the bombing as I will cover this in a separate blog due to it being a pretty personal and a sensitive subject to talk about so would rather have a whole post dedicated to it. But as you can imagine, it is a living daily fight in my own head, battling the thoughts and flashbacks.

I started this blog just to see how it goes, I guess but also as my own way of recovery to look back on in a few months/years to see my progress. I don't really have a form of release of what I am feeling so this seemed like the perfect idea! My future plans for this blog, if all goes well, is to talk about my story with endometriosis and PTSD, how I coped, the positives and negatives and my advice for those in a similar situation to me! I would also like to include some fun blogs too! It's not all depressing on here don't worry!

I hope to post something more interesting next time.

Thanks to whoever has read this.

Caitlin x